Now I’m not going to get into a philosophical discussion about how the U.S. is still primarily a patriarchal society, that women still encounter a “glass ceiling” in many work places, or that our government is still overloaded with male representatives (although I suppose those things are advantageous for men –damn, we’ve got it pretty good).
No, I mean our bodies.
Even if a man doesn’t have a very good looking body, he still has advantages. Here are just a few:
1. Men never have to deal with “that time of the month” (however, there are some who would argue that we have to deal with it in an oblique way because we’re often around women during “that time of the month” and that can be a little stressful sometimes. I know, I know, poor men…whaaa).
2. Men don’t have to worry about becoming unintentionally pregnant. (Although a few years ago the news touted a story of the first “man” who had a baby. I gotta call bullshit on that one. The plumbing simply isn’t there. If the plumbing is there at the time of birth, it’s a woman giving birth. I don’t care how man-ish she might look.)
3. Most men don’t have to deal with the changing bodies and moods that go with being pregnant. I will say though that my wife was a bit Jekyll and Hyde-ish when she was pregnant with our first daughter. I’m not throwing stones here, but boy, the stories I could tell.
4. Most men have a fairly easy time being happy with sex. It usually doesn’t take much for a man to toe the line, get ready, get set, and go. And he invariably reaches the finish line much faster. Easy-peasy.
5. For the most part, men don’t have to deal with the whole menopause thing. Sure, for a while the temperature flip-flopped back and forth in our house. It was either hotter than a furnace or colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra and I learned very quickly to stay the hell away from the thermostat unless I wanted to have a hand chopped off. Still not going to throw stones though.
The advantages of having a man-body go on and on…
But one of the best things about being a man?
Pissing outside (notice I said ‘pissing’ and not ‘peeing.’ This is a manly thing, after all).
Particularly if your pissing outside after drinking beer with other men.
And there’s a campfire nearby.
1.) We could be psychologically damaged if we find ourselves falling “short” of other men.
2.) There’s the potential of getting beaten up if the other guy is insecure in his sexuality.
3.) It could throw off our aim and we end up pissing on our shoes.
But the risks are worth the reward.
Ask around. I think you’d be hard pressed to find many men who haven’t or who don’t enjoy a good outdoor piss. Even men with tiny back yards will find some place in that yard where they can piss –hopefully without being seen by a neighbor. I’ve known men who live in apartments who find a place within a short distance so they can piss outside. Sometimes those men get arrested because they take the pissing outside thing and turn it into something ugly and creepy instead of simply celebrating our natural ability.
I don’t know why it is…Maybe it’s just the fact that we can do it is why we do it. Maybe it harkens back to animal instincts and marking territory. Maybe it’s a unique way to bond with nature.
Then again, maybe…just maybe…it’s because women kick ass in so many other ways –not the least of which is being able to deal with all the other stuff I mentioned earlier and deal with men— and pissing outside is the one thing we know, without a doubt, we can do better than them.
Well, most of them anyway…
It’s a small victory (that’s what she said), but sometimes you take what you can get.