The School IEP (Individual Education Plan)
*** Again, I debated whether to put this on the Blog page or the Short Story page. And again, I did what every good, self-serving writing would do: I put it on both. The acronyms and mnemonic devices detailed in this satire are real. Well, all except for the very end, but you'll see the point of the fictitious ones. Enjoy.***
“Okay, so it looks like everyone is here, so let me enter into my laptop that Frank, our Assistant Principal and Required Administrator is in attendance, as well as Jim, our required Regular Education Teacher, and myself Sue, the SPED or Special Education Coordinator. Cathy, our school psychologist couldn’t make it today because of a previously scheduled meeting.”
“Hey? At our last department meeting we discussed the issue of pencils and whether we, as a department, considered them to be a potential weapon and I was just wondering…since the school board had previously decided that a pencil could be a potential weapon if it was sharpened beyond a .02 tip and the student had intent to harm…”
“I don’t mean to be rude Jim, but is there a question here somewhere? This is a meeting regarding two students and their potential IEP.”
“Well, Frank, I was just wondering…if we did feel a student was carrying a pencil/weapon with intent, what are the consequences?”
“Jim, didn’t you read the email from the school board secretary? Or the email from Assistant Principal Bob? Or the notification in your mailbox? Or the meeting notes from the school board you were to review? Or the minutes from the last faculty meeting?”
“Um…I probably did, but I’ve been so busy with students that I may have missed that detail. I admit that I may have also been a bit too quick on my ‘delete’ button as well. Sorry Frank.”
“Okay, Jim. Here it is in a nutshell: If a student is caught with a pencil that is sharpened beyond a .02 tip and has the intent to use it as a weapon: the first offense, the teacher takes the pencil away from the student and gives it back to them at the end of the period. The second offense, the teacher takes the pencil from the student and gives it back to them at the end of the day. On the third offense, the teacher takes the pencil away from the student and delivers it to the office. The student then has to come to the office to collect his pencil at the end of the day. If there is a fourth offense, the teacher confiscates the pencil, turns it into the office, the student goes to the office to retrieve the pencil and is given a stern talking to by an Assistant Principal. On the fifth offense, teacher takes pencil, delivers it to the office, student has to come to the office to pick up the pencil and is given an even sterner talking to by an Assistant Principal. On the sixth offense, teacher takes pencil, delivers it to the main office, and the student has to come to the office to retrieve the pencil and receives a stern talking to by thePrincipal. On the seventh offense, teacher takes pencil, leaves it at office, and if the student wants it back, they have to have a parent come with them to collect the pencil. After that, if a teacher takes a pencil away from a student, the parent has to pick it up and will receive a stern talking to by an Assistant Principal. On the ninth offense, teacher takes pencil and drops it at office. Then an administrator, a counselor, and the teacher have a conference with the student and parent, primarily to determine to what extent the teacher is at fault in the apparent conflict. On the tenth offense, pencil confiscated, taken to office, meeting of administrator, counselor and teacher and possible one day suspension –but only on a Friday or Monday so it doesn’t inconvenience the student or the parent. Eleventh offence, possible three day suspension. Twelfth offense, possible expulsion hearing for the student. Thirteenth offense, expulsion. In the event that during this process the student injures or kills a student with the pencil, then we skip right to the suspension part. Is that clear enough?”
“Uh, sure, I guess so, in a nutshell. Wow. I’ll have to get with another teacher to get a copy of that. I may not be able to remember it. Oh, I don’t mean to be a pain, Frank, but who keeps track of the number of offences and the consequences that have been handed out?”
“Obviously the teacher Jim. Administration’s overloaded as it is.”
“Oh, okay…”
“Gentlemen, can we please get back to the IEP meeting?”
“I’m sorry to throw things off Sue. Hey, if this is an IEP meeting, shouldn’t a parent or guardian and possibly the student be here?”
“Jim, this is a preliminary meeting to discuss two students, one of whom may have SN and the other who isn’t necessarily SN, but who may be ED or require the intervention of the MDT.”
“Huh?”
“Okay, Jim. I realize this is your second year teaching and you’ve only been to a couple of dozen IEP meetings, so I’ll try to make things clear as we go along.”
“Okay. I’d appreciate that.”
“We are here to discuss two students, one who may be Special Needs and the other who may not be Special Needs, but who may have an Emotional Disturbance which could require the support of the Multi-Disciplinary Team. We’re simply here conducting a preliminary meeting to see if we need to pursue either case to the next level.”
“Oh, okay. I understand, I think. Thanks.”
“Okay. The first student, Timmy, may be SN because he definitely has a BD which could be ADD or ADHD, however we’re probably looking at an ED that will require either a BIP or a BMP or possibly even an FBA.”
“Um…what?”
“Okay. Jim. We don’t have an unlimited amount of time to go over this because of our departmental and school-wide agreement to honor each other’s time.”
“I apologize. Honest. I’m just not real familiar with all the acronyms and mnemonic initializations yet.”
“Hmm. Okay. Jim. The first student, Timmy, may be Special Needs because he definitely has a Behavioral Disorder which could be Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but we may have an Emotional Disturbance that could require a Behavior Intervention Plan or a Behavior Management Plan, but we should probably do a Functional Behavioral Assessment first.”
“Uh, okay. I think I’ve got it. You know, you don’t have to speak so slowly to me Sue. I can keep up with the pace, it’s just all the letters that throw me off a bit.”
“Okay then Jim, how is Timmy’s BD in regards to the classroom versus his BD in regards to his other interactions?”
“BD means “Behavior Disorder” right? Then I can positively say that I have no idea how Timmy’s possible BD manifests itself outside of the classroom, because my only interactions with Timmy are within the classroom.”
“That’s not much help Jim. Do you not do your assigned hallway supervision between classes?”
“I try to, but to be honest, I often have students who require help for a few minutes between classes which makes it difficult to monitor the hallways every time.”
“I appreciate your honesty Jim. Perhaps we can discuss a few constructive techniques for you to more effectively perform your assigned tasks at your next evaluation.”
“No…honestly Frank. It’s only a minor thing I can make some adjustments on and take care of.”
“Gentlemen, can we please get back to the business at hand?”
“Sorry Sue. Where were we?”
“We were attempting to determine whether Timmy requires a FBA to determine whether he is ADD or ADHD or some other BD. What do you guys think?”
“Well, Sue. I think we should do the FBA to see the extent of the BD in order to implement an EDP which will cover Timmy’s SPED needs as well as the school’s SET needs. In addition, the FBA will contribute to the schools AYP report which helps our Accreditation process and lists us as an appropriate FAPE facility.”
“Huh?”
“Thanks, Frank. Please, do try to keep up Jim. Okay, that takes care of Timmy for now.”
“It does?”
“Jim, please sign this form, initial on this form, and sign this form.”
“Okay…what is it that I’m signing, specifically?”
“Jim. Okay. These are the usual IEP forms. The first states that you’ve attended this meeting.”
“Okay, that’s easy enough.”
“Your initials indicate that you’ve reviewed the elements we’ve covered today.”
“Um…okay.”
“You’re second signature indicates that you agree with our determinations in regards to this student and their individual needs.”
“Well, hell….why not? Okay.”
“Thank you, Jim. I’m glad you are able to contribute to the important issues regarding individual students that we are covering today.”
“Okay. If you say so.”
“The second student is Johnny. Now, we’re pretty sure Johnny does not require an IEP, but does require either a BIP or BMP because he definitely has a BD. Now this isn’t necessarily the result of his being ADD or ADHD, but could simply be because he is an ELL or ESL or LEP. We’ve attempted a BIP and a BMP and he does have a CASA, but we’ve not yet been able to perform a FBA to determine whether his previous ISS’s and OSS’s are because of a specific BD or because of a societal BD. The MDT will correlate with the OJJDP to better decide the educational needs of Johnny.”
“Does Johnny have a CASA because of his girlfriend who entered the YPP and obtained a TRO which resulted in his interaction with the SRO and contributed to Johnny’s OSS’s and TRO?”
“Exactly, Frank. Now she’s in the YPP as mandated by the ESA, but she has a CASA who will work to insure her PBIS so she will be prepared for the PSAT and eventually the SAT.”
“Good. That will help insure the SET contributes to the AYP which directly effects the school’s accreditation and standing as a member of a FAPE. Of course, this is all so the school can adhere to the CC which took the place of NCLB.”
“That’s funny, Frank! You’re spot-on. What do you think, Jim?”
“Yes. Absolutely. I concur completely. That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
“Um. Excuse me, Jim, but are you attempting to be sarcastic?”
“Nope, I was just TTT of WTF you were TA and trying to decide if IGAD or if I should PAWTBSBINTJ.”
“I’m sorry Jim, but I am not familiar with the mnemonic devices you are employing.”
“Okay. Sue. Let me say this slowly. I…was…just…Trying To Think of What the F**k you were Talking About and trying to decide if I Give A Damn or if I should Play Along With This Bull-Shit Because I Need The Job.”
“Ahem. As your administrating supervisor Jim, I have to say that I’m shocked and that your attitude and response will be noted in your next evaluation and directly reflect your CSPD. Needless to say, because of your attitude, this meeting will not be added to your PDU’s and could result in your being put on a PA.”
“Okay. Sure. What’s a ‘PA’?”
“It’s a Plan of Assistance, Jim. It’s evident in this meeting that you likely require help to better integrate into and contribute to the advancement of all students.”
“Okay, Frank. But doesn’t that PA go into my professional file, in effect making it a Scarlet Letter, so I would virtually be unemployable in other school districts as well as setting me up on a chopping block for the school’s administration?”
“That is just one more negative statement that reveals your overall attitude towards our mission statement. Jim.”
“I’m sorry, Frank, but I’ve forgotten. What is our overall mission statement?”
“Jim, everyone knows that our school’s mission statement is “Every Student Going for Their Goals.”
“That’s fairly vague Frank. Maybe it would be easier if we just said ESGTG.”
“Hmm. This is sad Jim. That’s just one more black mark against your professionalism.”
“You know what though, Frank? Just yesterday I had a student, one who has had a very difficult time on a familial, social, and peer level tell me something.”
“What was that?”
“She told me my class ‘rocks.’ Funny thing is, is she didn’t use one acronym or mnemonic device to say it.”
“Okay, Jim. You’ve pushed it too far now. We wll take a look at your CSPD and PDU’s to see if you need a PA in order for the school to maintain its AYP and accreditation while continuing to be a FAPE entity. I hope I’ve made myself clear on this.”
“Yes, Frank, you have. But at this point IDGAF and it’s no BFD.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind, Sue. You don’t want to know.”
*** Again, I debated whether to put this on the Blog page or the Short Story page. And again, I did what every good, self-serving writing would do: I put it on both. The acronyms and mnemonic devices detailed in this satire are real. Well, all except for the very end, but you'll see the point of the fictitious ones. Enjoy.***
“Okay, so it looks like everyone is here, so let me enter into my laptop that Frank, our Assistant Principal and Required Administrator is in attendance, as well as Jim, our required Regular Education Teacher, and myself Sue, the SPED or Special Education Coordinator. Cathy, our school psychologist couldn’t make it today because of a previously scheduled meeting.”
“Hey? At our last department meeting we discussed the issue of pencils and whether we, as a department, considered them to be a potential weapon and I was just wondering…since the school board had previously decided that a pencil could be a potential weapon if it was sharpened beyond a .02 tip and the student had intent to harm…”
“I don’t mean to be rude Jim, but is there a question here somewhere? This is a meeting regarding two students and their potential IEP.”
“Well, Frank, I was just wondering…if we did feel a student was carrying a pencil/weapon with intent, what are the consequences?”
“Jim, didn’t you read the email from the school board secretary? Or the email from Assistant Principal Bob? Or the notification in your mailbox? Or the meeting notes from the school board you were to review? Or the minutes from the last faculty meeting?”
“Um…I probably did, but I’ve been so busy with students that I may have missed that detail. I admit that I may have also been a bit too quick on my ‘delete’ button as well. Sorry Frank.”
“Okay, Jim. Here it is in a nutshell: If a student is caught with a pencil that is sharpened beyond a .02 tip and has the intent to use it as a weapon: the first offense, the teacher takes the pencil away from the student and gives it back to them at the end of the period. The second offense, the teacher takes the pencil from the student and gives it back to them at the end of the day. On the third offense, the teacher takes the pencil away from the student and delivers it to the office. The student then has to come to the office to collect his pencil at the end of the day. If there is a fourth offense, the teacher confiscates the pencil, turns it into the office, the student goes to the office to retrieve the pencil and is given a stern talking to by an Assistant Principal. On the fifth offense, teacher takes pencil, delivers it to the office, student has to come to the office to pick up the pencil and is given an even sterner talking to by an Assistant Principal. On the sixth offense, teacher takes pencil, delivers it to the main office, and the student has to come to the office to retrieve the pencil and receives a stern talking to by thePrincipal. On the seventh offense, teacher takes pencil, leaves it at office, and if the student wants it back, they have to have a parent come with them to collect the pencil. After that, if a teacher takes a pencil away from a student, the parent has to pick it up and will receive a stern talking to by an Assistant Principal. On the ninth offense, teacher takes pencil and drops it at office. Then an administrator, a counselor, and the teacher have a conference with the student and parent, primarily to determine to what extent the teacher is at fault in the apparent conflict. On the tenth offense, pencil confiscated, taken to office, meeting of administrator, counselor and teacher and possible one day suspension –but only on a Friday or Monday so it doesn’t inconvenience the student or the parent. Eleventh offence, possible three day suspension. Twelfth offense, possible expulsion hearing for the student. Thirteenth offense, expulsion. In the event that during this process the student injures or kills a student with the pencil, then we skip right to the suspension part. Is that clear enough?”
“Uh, sure, I guess so, in a nutshell. Wow. I’ll have to get with another teacher to get a copy of that. I may not be able to remember it. Oh, I don’t mean to be a pain, Frank, but who keeps track of the number of offences and the consequences that have been handed out?”
“Obviously the teacher Jim. Administration’s overloaded as it is.”
“Oh, okay…”
“Gentlemen, can we please get back to the IEP meeting?”
“I’m sorry to throw things off Sue. Hey, if this is an IEP meeting, shouldn’t a parent or guardian and possibly the student be here?”
“Jim, this is a preliminary meeting to discuss two students, one of whom may have SN and the other who isn’t necessarily SN, but who may be ED or require the intervention of the MDT.”
“Huh?”
“Okay, Jim. I realize this is your second year teaching and you’ve only been to a couple of dozen IEP meetings, so I’ll try to make things clear as we go along.”
“Okay. I’d appreciate that.”
“We are here to discuss two students, one who may be Special Needs and the other who may not be Special Needs, but who may have an Emotional Disturbance which could require the support of the Multi-Disciplinary Team. We’re simply here conducting a preliminary meeting to see if we need to pursue either case to the next level.”
“Oh, okay. I understand, I think. Thanks.”
“Okay. The first student, Timmy, may be SN because he definitely has a BD which could be ADD or ADHD, however we’re probably looking at an ED that will require either a BIP or a BMP or possibly even an FBA.”
“Um…what?”
“Okay. Jim. We don’t have an unlimited amount of time to go over this because of our departmental and school-wide agreement to honor each other’s time.”
“I apologize. Honest. I’m just not real familiar with all the acronyms and mnemonic initializations yet.”
“Hmm. Okay. Jim. The first student, Timmy, may be Special Needs because he definitely has a Behavioral Disorder which could be Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but we may have an Emotional Disturbance that could require a Behavior Intervention Plan or a Behavior Management Plan, but we should probably do a Functional Behavioral Assessment first.”
“Uh, okay. I think I’ve got it. You know, you don’t have to speak so slowly to me Sue. I can keep up with the pace, it’s just all the letters that throw me off a bit.”
“Okay then Jim, how is Timmy’s BD in regards to the classroom versus his BD in regards to his other interactions?”
“BD means “Behavior Disorder” right? Then I can positively say that I have no idea how Timmy’s possible BD manifests itself outside of the classroom, because my only interactions with Timmy are within the classroom.”
“That’s not much help Jim. Do you not do your assigned hallway supervision between classes?”
“I try to, but to be honest, I often have students who require help for a few minutes between classes which makes it difficult to monitor the hallways every time.”
“I appreciate your honesty Jim. Perhaps we can discuss a few constructive techniques for you to more effectively perform your assigned tasks at your next evaluation.”
“No…honestly Frank. It’s only a minor thing I can make some adjustments on and take care of.”
“Gentlemen, can we please get back to the business at hand?”
“Sorry Sue. Where were we?”
“We were attempting to determine whether Timmy requires a FBA to determine whether he is ADD or ADHD or some other BD. What do you guys think?”
“Well, Sue. I think we should do the FBA to see the extent of the BD in order to implement an EDP which will cover Timmy’s SPED needs as well as the school’s SET needs. In addition, the FBA will contribute to the schools AYP report which helps our Accreditation process and lists us as an appropriate FAPE facility.”
“Huh?”
“Thanks, Frank. Please, do try to keep up Jim. Okay, that takes care of Timmy for now.”
“It does?”
“Jim, please sign this form, initial on this form, and sign this form.”
“Okay…what is it that I’m signing, specifically?”
“Jim. Okay. These are the usual IEP forms. The first states that you’ve attended this meeting.”
“Okay, that’s easy enough.”
“Your initials indicate that you’ve reviewed the elements we’ve covered today.”
“Um…okay.”
“You’re second signature indicates that you agree with our determinations in regards to this student and their individual needs.”
“Well, hell….why not? Okay.”
“Thank you, Jim. I’m glad you are able to contribute to the important issues regarding individual students that we are covering today.”
“Okay. If you say so.”
“The second student is Johnny. Now, we’re pretty sure Johnny does not require an IEP, but does require either a BIP or BMP because he definitely has a BD. Now this isn’t necessarily the result of his being ADD or ADHD, but could simply be because he is an ELL or ESL or LEP. We’ve attempted a BIP and a BMP and he does have a CASA, but we’ve not yet been able to perform a FBA to determine whether his previous ISS’s and OSS’s are because of a specific BD or because of a societal BD. The MDT will correlate with the OJJDP to better decide the educational needs of Johnny.”
“Does Johnny have a CASA because of his girlfriend who entered the YPP and obtained a TRO which resulted in his interaction with the SRO and contributed to Johnny’s OSS’s and TRO?”
“Exactly, Frank. Now she’s in the YPP as mandated by the ESA, but she has a CASA who will work to insure her PBIS so she will be prepared for the PSAT and eventually the SAT.”
“Good. That will help insure the SET contributes to the AYP which directly effects the school’s accreditation and standing as a member of a FAPE. Of course, this is all so the school can adhere to the CC which took the place of NCLB.”
“That’s funny, Frank! You’re spot-on. What do you think, Jim?”
“Yes. Absolutely. I concur completely. That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
“Um. Excuse me, Jim, but are you attempting to be sarcastic?”
“Nope, I was just TTT of WTF you were TA and trying to decide if IGAD or if I should PAWTBSBINTJ.”
“I’m sorry Jim, but I am not familiar with the mnemonic devices you are employing.”
“Okay. Sue. Let me say this slowly. I…was…just…Trying To Think of What the F**k you were Talking About and trying to decide if I Give A Damn or if I should Play Along With This Bull-Shit Because I Need The Job.”
“Ahem. As your administrating supervisor Jim, I have to say that I’m shocked and that your attitude and response will be noted in your next evaluation and directly reflect your CSPD. Needless to say, because of your attitude, this meeting will not be added to your PDU’s and could result in your being put on a PA.”
“Okay. Sure. What’s a ‘PA’?”
“It’s a Plan of Assistance, Jim. It’s evident in this meeting that you likely require help to better integrate into and contribute to the advancement of all students.”
“Okay, Frank. But doesn’t that PA go into my professional file, in effect making it a Scarlet Letter, so I would virtually be unemployable in other school districts as well as setting me up on a chopping block for the school’s administration?”
“That is just one more negative statement that reveals your overall attitude towards our mission statement. Jim.”
“I’m sorry, Frank, but I’ve forgotten. What is our overall mission statement?”
“Jim, everyone knows that our school’s mission statement is “Every Student Going for Their Goals.”
“That’s fairly vague Frank. Maybe it would be easier if we just said ESGTG.”
“Hmm. This is sad Jim. That’s just one more black mark against your professionalism.”
“You know what though, Frank? Just yesterday I had a student, one who has had a very difficult time on a familial, social, and peer level tell me something.”
“What was that?”
“She told me my class ‘rocks.’ Funny thing is, is she didn’t use one acronym or mnemonic device to say it.”
“Okay, Jim. You’ve pushed it too far now. We wll take a look at your CSPD and PDU’s to see if you need a PA in order for the school to maintain its AYP and accreditation while continuing to be a FAPE entity. I hope I’ve made myself clear on this.”
“Yes, Frank, you have. But at this point IDGAF and it’s no BFD.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind, Sue. You don’t want to know.”
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