So, are you a traditionalist? Or did you make the switch to low-flow toilets?
I’m a traditionalist. However, low flow has been forced on us. That’s how I knew our country was going completely downhill - when toilets were no longer a choice.
If I were a politician my campaign slogan would be: A High Flow Toilet in Every Pot.
I think I’m onto something.
Be honest with me; how often do you play the “I’m a published author” card to get free stuff?
There’s no card I won’t play to get free stuff.
Don’t tell anyone, but I didn’t really have hip surgery. The scars, the limping, the hospital stay…all a ruse. I’m committed to it though. You’ve got to hand it to me.
Have you ever thrown your book at anyone?
Everyone who ever bought it at a book signing. I had to so they’d buy it. I prefer to call it a marketing technique.
How much (and what kind) of research did you do to determine Rob Rhino’s penis size?
Well, I did a blog post about my research in general. You can find it on my website or by clicking here:
But, I’d heard that there was a porn star, also from the seventies, who actually had more impressive dimensions. What could I do? I had to look it up. I am a professional, after all. Turns out, there was a guy…so I didn’t want to exactly copy him so I lopped off an inch.
Um, if you could be a bit more careful with the imagery, I'd probably be more comfortable during this interview. Okay, next question: If you could bitch-slap anyone in the world right this minute, who would it be?
Does a group count as anyone?
Everyone who goes on and on about what a great guy the new pope is.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m sure he’s a nice guy. He wants to provide a voice for the voiceless, serve the poor, embrace the gay community…excuse me?
It’s so uncommon for a pope to act like a decent human being that it’s news worthy?
Shame on everyone for not demanding it all along.
I don't know much about religion, so what the Jews and their Pope do really doesn't throw me off much. Next question: Sometimes when I’m sitting all alone in a room with the TV and everything off and it’s really dark, I just get the giggles. That ever happen to you?
I don’t wait till I’m alone or in the dark. I happen to find myself very funny. Hilarious, in fact. Just ask my husband.
I heard that after your book was published your new fame led to a stalker. That must have been flattering, huh?
Finally, thank God. The advertising was getting expensive.
Writing a book that’s 242 pages long must have been a lot of work. How did you deal with all the writer’s cramps?
The 24 pt. font and triple spacing helped. Next time I think I’ll do pictures only. Except I don’t draw so I’ll have to hire it out.
We’re about the same age. Do women have to deal with ear hair too?
Women don’t have any unwanted or unattractive body hair. That’s our story. We’re sticking to it.
You have a great family. How did you go about selecting each of them?
A 90-day trial period is key. It takes a while but you get there eventually.
What kind of gas mileage does your car get? ‘Cause my pickup is a thirsty bitch.
I have no idea. I don’t do gas.
I've heard otherwise, which leads me to my next question: If you could only eat one food recipe until your stomach literally exploded, what would you choose and why?
Anything fried. I don’t think this requires an explanation.
Do you ride horses? ‘Cause if you don’t, you should.
I used to own a horse and I used to ride it. Although “ride” is a generous term. I got on, she threw me off. I did what they tell you, I got right back in the saddle. She threw me right off again. I took the hint and sold the saddle to buy shoes.
What do you absolutely hate to do around the house that you make your husband do?
Whatever I don’t want to do around the house I hire out. He writes the check.
Pick one: watermelon, a brick, or hair?
Brick. For reasons I can’t discuss per the court order.
If you were suddenly captured by North Korea, what kind of torture would you fear the most and what kind would you be okay with?
Doing anything Gangnam Style.
Water boarding might be okay. Wouldn’t it?
I always thought water boarding sounded fun --like surfing. I don't know how anybody could complain on that one. Next question: Which kid do you think you can count on the most when you get really old and need a diaper change?
It’s in the will. They all have to. They all know I can’t wait to be a burden. Kayla would complain about it the least though.
Which kid is your favorite?
Whichever one has more money around my birthday.
They say authors ‘write what they know.’ So, how many porn stars do you hang out with?
I hire this out too. Hubby offered to do it free. That’s just the kind of guy he is.
Thank you so much for taking time to sit and talk with me Kathleen. I've really learned so much about what it takes to be a successful author. I'm sure our readers will feel the same.